I like to think that black holes are full of nipples

I like to think that if I fell towards a black hole, the truth would be revealed at the event horizon and I’d scream into the intercom:

“My gawd, it’s full of nipples!”

And then relativity would dilate time such that my message would take a century to be fully decoded by the rest of humanity. And upon finally getting the last byte of info, they’d glance at each other, smack their foreheads, and say:

“Truly, he was completely cuckoo.”

But they’d be wrong because the black hole would genuinely have been full of nipples: so many that critical mass was exceeded and not only mammal but even light itself couldn’t escape nipple bondage.